Selecting a Spouse


You have met someone. Are they THE ONE? You are asking yourself, "How do I know if I could live with them for the rest of my life? Do they possess all the qualities I want in a spouse?"

I am sure you have your own checklist. But just in case you may have forgotten a few….

Mark the blank either O (yes) or X (no)

___ Are they attractive? You may be asking, "Why would you start with that one?" Well, for good reason. That is what initially draws us to someone. And we're not talking about just physical appearance, although that is part of the equation. Are they attractive to you beyond just the physical? Does their personality pull you in their direction? Do you want to spend time with them, to communicate and share things?

___ Are they smart? You are saying, "There you go again." Why ask about their intellectual ability? Well, it's important that they are mentally compatible with you. And we know how smart you are! Seriously, do you have stimulating and challenging interaction with one another? Don't settle for someone that does not connect well with you on an intellectual level.

___ Do they relate well with others? Probably when the two of you are together you get along well. But how well do they relate to your best friends? What type of social life do you have together?

___ Do you enjoy similar people? You can learn a lot about a person by who their friends are. Can you get along with the people they spend time with? How do their friends like you? What about their family?

___Do you have similar interests and hobbies? Do you like all types of athletic competition and they hate it? Can you find a movie that you agree on? What about outdoors activities? What books interest them most? Is their sufficient overlap in your interests to provide an enjoyable life together?

___What is most important to them? Their values and morals do not need to be identical to yours but they must not conflict. Integrity means that they will follow those things that matter most. Will the two of you be growing in different directions or closer together?

___ Is there "spiritual compatibility"? Are they atheist, agnostic, theist? Does it matter? Definitely, if the two of you are strongly disagree with each other. Have you discussed your spiritual beliefs? Where would you worship together? How will you raise your children? Before you discuss marriage, discuss these issues.

___ Can you live without them? A wise man once said, “Don’t marry someone you can live with, marry someone you can’t live without.” 

Scoring: Count the Xs

6-8 Xs (Better forget it)

4-6 Xs (Don’t be in rush)

2-4 Xs (You might have a chance)

0-2 Xs (Better go propose right away!)

Dating, courtship, and marriage can be an exciting and adventurous experience. Sometimes people make fun of those who "make a checklist". Of course love and marriage is so much more than merely making a list and looking for those qualities.“Marriage is a holy estate and should not be entered into ill-advisedly.”- That’s how many marriage ceremonies begin- and for a good reason. Approximately 50% of marriages in America are ending in divorce these days. Before you move any relationship "to the next level", make sure this is what you really want.